Are these red flags?
I was with my abusive ex for around (Detail removed by moderator) years. About (Detail removed by moderator) years have passed. I’m not really sure if I should be seeing red flags or if this is normal?
I recently met up with someone from an online dating website. We’ve text for about a month. They’re around my age of (Detail removed by moderator). We were talking for awhile and he seemed polite and kind. Then he mentions he is going through a divorce and is technically still married. His profile didn’t say separated but never married.
The night went horrific on my part I was really nervous. I have social anxiety and this was the first time I had been in crowds for years. Let alone had a ‘date’. He listened to what I said, had a sarcastic humour (but in a way I know is a joke). I felt at ease and myself. He was nice to staff and said how online dating has been a strange experience.
Later, I do remember him saying his wife cheated and now lives with her girlfriend. But I steered the conversation away from ex’s so not to hear anymore. He also said he didn’t get on with his dad.
Then we decided to go to another place, I trusted him to drive me to the car park as I had parked far away. He did say we could walk if I felt it was weird.
Once there he was more touchy feely. But like shoulder and side. Though, I didn’t touch him for the whole night. I’m not so great with being hugged or touched by people I don’t know. Even if it’s a handshake, so I don’t know what is normal.
When it was time to leave, he walked me to the car and asked for a kiss. I made a joke about having ate garlic bread and cheesy pizza. I know that’s terrible and gave a hug instead.
He’s messaged me since for a another meet up and seems quite nice. Should I be concerned?
All my gut is saying right now is that at least he was honest at the start but with maybe my lack of trust – how can I be sure that a divorce would come? As confused as I was with loving my ex, I really missed him when I first separated. Despite what he did. I don’t want to be a rebound or some game. I don’t know how long ago they split.
What do I do next? I was thinking if I did see him again. I would ask if he thought it was a good idea to see each other so soon after. I don’t want to just be a rebound. Even if he doesn’t realise I would be (if it ever got past just chatting and meeting up).
It just seems hard for me to detach that not everything has a negative consequence. Sometimes, I over read people sometimes in a bid to ‘save myself’ so sometimes I have trouble defining what something means – if anything at all!
My thoughts are even if this doesn’t work out, it would be nice if it did, that I haven’t let my anxiety stop me from challenging myself for once. So that’s me 1: anxiety 0