Can I ever leave my past in the past

I was the only girl of four kids of a single mother.  She told me at age 7 how she hated having a little bitch like me for a daughter.  She beat me all the time and sent me to juvie and state school as often as possible.  At age 12 she threw all my things in the street and kicked me out.  Of course having to return due to being homeless so young she’d just kick me out again and again until I never went back but found out many years later that everytime she kicked me out she called me in as a run away. I am 47 now and still love her yet hold her raponsible for my lack ofs in life.  I have been made to be tough and not take shit from anyone.  I’ve become hard and cold however I’ve paved my own way.  Married with children and grand children. Sure I still hold a grudge but I give her respect, not that she’s earned it but I don’t believe in throwing the past in her face so although I still hold much anger toward her she will never know it.  I’m just limited on talking to her, visiting her,(almost never) and I even blocked her on FB so she can stop downing me for being real to my daughter and moved 12 hours away to get away from her. I do love her but I don’t live for her.  She is feeling her mistakes through the lack of her grand and great grand children’s lack of interest in her.  I don’t have to do anything. Now that my kids are grown she wants to act like she cares but they don’t have anything for her.  She’s feeling all her mistakes and I don’t have to do anything.  She did it to herself.  My life is great. 

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