He will be in my life forever

I met my ex when I was 16. I had never had a boyfriend before. He was two years older then me and I was so shocked and awestruck that a guy as cute as him liked me. The first year was okay. Looking back though there were so many red flags. The guilt trips and controlling behavior just came off as him seeming concerned or wanting my attention. Then came the name calling. The mental and emotional abuse floored me. I had never dealt with anything like it before. But then again I had never been in a relationship before. I didn’t realize what was happening yet. He told me he loved me. After about two years together I got pregnant. I was a senior in high school. I moved to a school closer to him because he didn’t like me being so far away and I’m doing so I lost all my friends. Then being the pregnant quiet girl at a new school became too much and I dropped out. Biggest mistake ever. He later would throw that in my face every chance he could. The abuse while I was pregnant wasn’t physical. He would instead kick me out of his car in the middle of night on the highways as punishment.   We got married. The abuse at this point was physical and there was never a moment that I felt safe. This went on for years.. I never could go out. I couldn’t have my own vehicle. I couldn’t have my own bank account. I was aloud to work but only under his terms. A couple hours a day and he would pocket the money. I couldn’t drive his car unless it was to take him home after drinking all night. It was so much worse when he was drunk. He didn’t want me around but didn’t want me to leave. He would fall asleep on the floor in his own vomit and in the morning would be mad at me for not cleaning it up. I was so repulsed by him. Everything he did. I tried to leave once. He promised he’d get help. He promised he’d never hurt me again. He begged and he cried. But not even one week after I came back did he shove me straight through the wall in front of my 3 year old son. This time I tried to call the police. He stole my phone from my hands and smashed and dropped in the toilet. I tried to run out the front door but he blocked it. I told my son to go to his room and play. After enduring an hour of being physically restrained and hurt by him he got off me. I waited till he went to the bathroom and ran to my neighbors house and beat on her door till they woke up. They called 911. But it didn’t help much. The police believed his story over mine. They didn’t help me. They didn’t ask me if I wanted to press  charges or make a statement. They even were joking and laughing with him. I was defeated. And I was beyond terrified of what would happen once the police left and I was alone with him again. It was bad. My son was 4 when we separated for the last time. My ex husband had threatened to leave me if I didn’t ring out the sponge every time I wash the dishes and I told to go ahead. He thought I would come running after him like every other time he made the threat. I didn’t. This time I changed the locks. We got divorced two years later. He still gets off by messaging me and tormenting me. He’s begun hurting my son when he sees him because he knows it hurts me. He has money. But doesn’t help his son. After this dcf case closed against him and the abuse against my son the judge granted him visitation. I am still being abused by this person. I thought leaving him would stop it. I thought that would keep my son and I safe. It hasn’t. The court system has failed me. I’m left broken and battered. I’ve been diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder, depression, and ptsd from the relationship with him. This is the only love I have known. I feel gutted and douped. This is not what I thought my life would end up like at 26 years old. I pray for all the women who are affected by abuse. I pray they get out before it’s too late. And I’m sorry my story hasn’t made it to it’s happy ending yet. 

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I’ve gone through domestic abuse. I’ve gone through indentity theif from own friends. I also got drugged and sexually assaulted. Mentally and physically abused. I came to the lord for direction, guidance and I forgave everyone person who hurt me and moved forward knowing I will always live with memories but I replace it with mediation as much possible and went around positive environment. You are not alone. Im praying for you. God got us back. Cast all your sorrows and anxiety to him. He will heal you . We are all war with our mind and heart. Everyone can change. You can accept the things you can not change. Let god handle everything. Reach out to every support system you got. Everyone safety does matter.

Answered on June 8, 2018.
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