Hi. I’m new. My story

May I share my story? I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression,GAD,panic disorder,mood disorder & I have stress induced seizures. I struggle with this & the enemy really uses this against me. I struggle with fear & extreme panic over so much in my life. Paying bills,working,struggling with Lonliness. Does anyone here deal with this also? Here’s my story….

 

I got with my ex in october 2015. He was so amazing & charming. I fell instantly. He had a past but assured me he was past all that. That following march in 2016,i had to have a partial hysterectomy. 2 weeks later,my younger brother was killed in a car wreck. I was devastated! We were so very close & he left behind a son & a daughter to be born that next month. He was only 28 years old. That april,my youngest son was in a car wreck on his way to prom. He was ok thank god,but it scared me to death when I got the call he was in an acxident. I had already lost my step brother in a hunting accident when he was a teenager & lost my step sister in a wreck almost 5 years ago. So im the only one left. Then that June,i fell off a ladder & tore my ACL in my left knee. I had to be off work for 6 months & take physical therapy 3 times a week. Then that Christmas I burried my last grandmother. Last year,in2017,i left my ex in April. I had to take him to court for an order of protection. He was very physically abusive. Beat me the whole time i was going through all that in 2016. I also had my first kidney stone that year too. It put alot of stress on my body. I was diagnosed with severe depression,panic attacks,generalized anxiety disorder & mood disorder. Besides court,i didnt hear from him then. Then this past year in 2018,in January he tried to contact me again. I cut him off. In march he tried to contact me again. It stressed me so much i started having stress induced seizures. 3 weeks ago he contacyed me again. He went on about how sorry he was & he never stopped loving me. I found out while he was beating me,he was on meth. I forgave him but told him i couldn’t put myself through his crap anymore. He hasnt changed. He pretty much told me he wanted to be single & free,yet he wanted me to revolve my life yet again around him. Act like i was his & come running every time he called. He’s very arrogant. He used to tell me if we broke up he would watch my driveway & know everywhere i was. That set my panic attacks off even worse. He was so very toxic but I dont Know why I loved him so much. He broke my heart so bad. To this day I ask God to take him out of my heart & mind. I go on dates but find myself comparing every guy to him. I dont understand it. I hate that I do it & I’m working hard to overcome this. I need prayers so much!

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