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I have been a victim of abuse all my life. As long as I can remember drugs, alcohol, abuse of all types have been apart of my life. As a young girl i saw my mom and my sister raped. My mom many times, and sometimes it was for money. My sister twice. I was molested on occasion. I also witnessed a lot of drug use, mostly from my mom. I was in and out of foster care. Most of the time family members took me in.

My father, or so i thought, was one of those family members. He drove big rigs for a living and drank a whole lot of jack daniels mountin dew. He was very mean. I remeber several incidents where he would beat on me or another sibling. My mom was in and out, he beat her two. Yes, she just left is there. As I grew i did my best to adjust to life. Here i am almost 32 and still trying to adjust. 

When i was 18, i decided to be a stripper for fast money. I was already smoking weed, taking X and using cocain. My sister got pregnant at 17, so i did what i could to help. I failed. I was 18 and just as lost as she. So.. i meant a wonderful amazing guy i fell in love with. I was 19 he was 23. I didnt sleep with him until after 2 weeks of dating. Thought that was the right amount of time to respect myself. I moved in after a year because, after all, he was amazing. Or so i thought. He became super controlling and worked out of town a lot. I felt alone and unsure of what to do. He verbally  and physically abused me. Back handed me to the point my face was black and blue and swollen. Verbally to the point i felt worthless. Sexually to the point i felt over used. It broke me. After 2years, we became addicted to drugs. (Oxycontin) It killed the both of us.

After 5 years all together… he asked his parents for help. Completely abandoned me and expected me to be there when he got out of rehab. I did all i could and ran to my mom. Went through withdrawal with her help and moved out of state in search for a better life. I struggled a great ton to find it. Here i am some years later with 4 beautiful children and wonderful husband. We support each other and do our best to live an honest life. We are so blessed and i am so thankful. 

Please….please get help if you need it. I dont cate where or how…its worth it in the end to put in the work toward a better way of life!! 

 

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