Stay strong

My daughters father was very verbally and physically abusive to myself and my daughter. It took years to finally break those chains. Every time I left him he would call DCFS and try to have my daughter taken away. My daughter was never abused or neglected by me, he just used it as a way to have control over me. I went to the court house many times with police reports and filed a restraining order the judge would give it to me for 30 days and when we went back for the 3 year one the judge would deny it no matter what evidence I had. Finally I out smarted everyone and got my Protection order but that did not stop her dad. He was arrested at least 13xs far more but we will say 13xs alot of times he would leave before the police came and then would not answer the door when they went to talk to him.  He became solvent citizen so that created its own issue. When he was arrested   for breaking it  the DA would never prosecute him so he always walked away. The court system had to change they way they do Protection orders due to my case. 

He would tell my daughter he is going to kill me and take her out of the country or he was going to kill both of us. At one point he was chasing me in my car while my daughter was in the back seat trying to ram me off the road st 70, 80mph meanehile waving and smiling at my daughter. My daughyer suffers from PTSD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSTION, and other issie due to this man and I could not get anyone to help me. At one point DCFS said they were going to take my child due to I could not protect her I told them the police, you guys DCFS ALONG WITH, the court system  is failing my daughter and myself. DCFS witnessed him jumping over a table in their office and attacking me yet they did nothing they did not call the police they did not make a report all they said was, you need a protection order or we will remove your daughter. After years of having to go threw this and many calls to the police and all I got was you need to get a gun becuase he is going to kill you and your kids maybe not today or tomorrow but he is going to kill you at some point. 

I finally got my protection order in place it was a 2 year one then when I refilled for a longer one I had a hard time, no one at the court house seemed to know how to resubmit for the 5 year one. Finally I figured it out and we had to go to court to get it signed off and he attacked me in the court room of course he was arrested yet that case drug out for 2 years with him playing games. He was only going to get a slap on the hand for breaking the protection order no jail time and the case would be closed he made it almost to the end but he finally tried to make contact with me, he had been harassing my son at his job but he finally tried to make contact with me and my daughter so I reported it to the lawyer and she put it in with the judge I went to court yet he NEVER showed up for court. 

Our court system is so broke when it comes to DV there is no where to turn and you feel hopeless. you become tied of fighting with this man and the court system, the police, and everyone else that will not help you feel like you cant get away. 

I had DCFS workers telling my daughter she had to see her dad, my daughter was terrified at the least of him she peed on herself when she seseen him drive by she told the DCFS workers this snd they still tried to make her go with him. Lucky I tape recorded all DCFS WORKers that came in contact with us and that help alot when giling a complaint with their supervisors.

It has been a 10 year battle with trying to keep my daughter safe I wish I could say our justice system helped but I can not I had to fight this monster on my own and I still fight everyday becuase he is still out there just waiting. I WILL BE DAMMED IF HE WINS SO I WILL FIGHT TO THE DAY I DIE TO KEEP MY DAUGHTER SAFE ANYWAY I HAVE TO.

This is just a couple instances that were very mild This man has put knives to my neck,  tried to burn the house down with me and my kids in it,  threw me out of a moving vehicle, tried to throw me off a 3rd story building,  I can go on and on.

I went and got my gun permit took shooting classes and I now I am going to school to get my BA in criminal justice so I can make a difference in our system. DV is widely known yet there is still not much out there to help us.

All I can say is stand tall, dont back down, and do not let anyone tell you that you will never be loved or you are not worthy of love, break that toxic bond and get yourself and your kids out of there.

Kick doors in until you find a way yo protect yourself and your kids. It will not be easy but keep going dont let them stop you.  Trust and believe I know how tiering it is to get turned away or have a judge dismiss a protective order. File another and another and another if thats what it takes. You are so much stronger then you know. To deal with these a@@holes that are breaking our spirts mentally and physically you have to be strong in order to deal with the physicall and mental  anguish that they bestow upon us. Take that strength to get away and stay away.. 

There is a group called BACA its a motorcycle group they will come to your house and watch outside for your ex so you can sleep they will take your kids to school they will go to court as a witness to what ever they see. I did not know about them when I was going threw it. A friend of mine joined after hearing about what I went threw. I am 90% sure there is s chapter in every state. They will help protect you, help make you feel safe so you can get rest. Going threw a abusive relationship and when leaving you dont get any sleep you live in fear looking over your shoulders these guys know that so they are there to watch over so you can get a nights rest. 

Stand tall, you are loved, and you are worth so much These men should treat you like the Queen you are. They can take us to our knees for a minute but we need to dust ourselves off and  show them they have not broke us they have only helped to make us stronger.. 




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I dont know what State you live in, but in California, the Secretary of State has a SAFE AT HOME PROGRAM.

Look within your state to see if they also offer this. It helped me and my daughter. We were lucky the judge issued without my request a 10 year restraining order. We received new identification and everything.

Answered on July 12, 2018.
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I live in Cali.. I had no Idea that program was even available. That is the issue we have to spread the info between other victims. I have had the police at my house too many times to count, DCFS, been in court too many timwa no ever told me this program was out there. Thank you for sharing I will most lilkely mot use it for myself yet I will lool into it of other victim’s. Thank you..

Answered on July 13, 2018.
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