Struggling with the reality
Hi, this is my first time posting, don’t know if I belong here so please bear with me!
My husband and I have been together for (detail removed by Moderator) years, the relationship started out rocky.. it took us about (detail removed by Moderator) years to realise that him and alcohol were not a good mix at all. He was abusive and nasty and forced himself on me. I loved him though so I always forgave him and picked myself up, dusted myself off and carried on. When things were good, they were great! He’d buy me expensive gifts and shower me with love and affection, but my husband likes to play mind games though.. snide comments here and there. He’d walk into the room, I’d ask if he was ok.. to which he’d sometimes just reply with “don’t f***ing talk to me, f**k off” but he’d always run back in the room laughing and say he was only joking and that I was overreacting and being over sensitive. That was the running theme for (detail removed by Moderator) years.. He’d be nasty and then say it was all in my head and I was taking it the wrong way. He didn’t like me having any friends so I now only have 1 friend that he approves of. He never gave me any money, I always had to ask. To which he’d then just get angry and ask where all my money had gone. I went out and got a job and he hated it! He made every excuse under the sun for me not to work so I ended up quitting. I struggled with my mental health last year and he was constantly reminding me of everything that I put him through when I was poorly, he just enjoyed the free time off that work gave him in order for him to ‘look after’ me. (detail removed by Moderator) a close family member died, I was devastated.. He was so unsupportive. He couldn’t understand why I was so sad all the time. He was just concerned that he had to look after our children when I couldn’t even bring myself to look after myself. I know it was bad of me, I just couldn’t do it.
Anyway, recently I had a coffee with an old male friend.. I kept it secret because I knew what he would do and say. He’s been accusing me of cheating and running off with someone else for years so I should’ve known better than to actually have a male friend. But I got spotted and he got told.. after an incident in front of our children.. the police were called by a very concerned member of the public who witnessed the whole thing.
What I’m struggling with is being told that the last (detail removed by Moderator)years of my life/marriage has been domestic abuse. I just can’t seem to comprehend it all. I thought it was me, I was doing something wrong, that I had made him grumpy, I was the problem. I thought my marriage was normal it’s just that I was doing something wrong. For the police to tell me no, I’m struggling, really struggling.
Has anyone else been shocked by someone else calling it domestic abuse? It had never crossed my mind..
Sorry for the long post, I just don’t know where else to turn!