When does the pain heal?
I constantly asking myself what did I do wrong? He blamed me so much and was constantly saying negative things to me. We have been going a year with no contact due to the restraining order but I receive a friend request apparently from the new lady and they are having a baby like tomorrow. The timing just seem off that he having a baby so soon and not taking care of my three children. He acts like the last ten years mean nothing to him and he has this new identity what kills me that his family knows that he is doing wrong yet they are congratulating and accepting him. How long does it take to heal from 10 years of togetherness?
I feel the same exact way. I was married to my husband for 15 years. I helped him raise his 3 children from 2 different women. We had a child together and he promised me forever. During those 15 years we used drugs together and he used them separately. There was a lot of fighting….verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. He accused me of cheating on him and then lying about it. He told the children that I was a whore and a liar. He tried to turn our daughter against me. He told everyone that I was crazy, and then he would say and do things when no one was watching that would make me “flip out” and then as he was standing there all calm and cool while I was crying and yelling at him to stop, he would say “see this bitch is crazy”. After 13 years of marriage WE decided that one of us should move out and WE would “date EACH OTHER, and remember what it was that made us fall in love in the first place.” Our daughter and I moved out of the family home, and during that time he decided to start using again. Things went haywire and in order to “save” my husband I took our daughter back to the home. We went to marriage counseling, we tried to continue as a “family”. After our last counseling session I received a text message from some # I didn’t know….it was his fucking girlfriend….telling me to leave him alone…that I was destroying him and if I loved him then leave him alone and let them be happy together…..Yet I was then one having an affair!!! That was March 2017. He told me that they were just friends, he showed me the text he sent her telling her to leave him and us alone…..I was stupid and believed him. I let my apartment go in September 2017 and by November 2017 I was back to the same apartment complex. This time it was a leave immediately or probably die at his hands. Needless to say he is living with this skank in what was supposed to be our family home, running around town like they are married, introducing her to everyone that we used to see, and then telling everyone that I got what I deserved because I had been cheating on him our entire marriage and lying about it. In the meantime my daughter and I are living in a shitty apartment, struggling financially, and defiently emotionally. I’ve filed for divorce and he is being an asshole and is dodging the server because I’m not following his plan….I cry almost everyday….I replay our marriage over and over….if only I had done this….if only I hadn’t done that…..if only I looked like this or that….if only if only if only……but you know what? I could have been this way or that way and this still would have happened. Why? Because that is just the way HE is…..He did this to the other women in his life, they were crazy, they didn’t understand him….blah blah fucking blah…I was the one who could love him enough to change….blah blah blah…well now he his HER fucking problem. And yes eventually he will do the same to her. I don’t know when the pain will end or if it ever will….but eventually it will lessen its hold on me and you sister. Eventually you will wake up and the pain won’t hit you in the face, you will smile and that smile will will reach your eyes and by genuine. Eventually you will be able to think back on your time with him and the good times and bad times will not punch you in the stomach, it will not cut so deep. Just keep on keeping on, keep on praying and healing yourself, finding out who you are and what you want in life. It may look like he has moved on , just the same as my husband appears to have done, but you know what? They are moving on…they are just “continuing” on with their lives doing the same damn thing they have done all their lives jut with another female. Eventually you will see that you are much better off without him. God bless you and keep you. Remember this…..”It doesn’t get easier…you get stronger”