Will it ever be normal again?
I have been in a abusive relationship for 6 and 1/2 years I’ve always been good at reading people and seeing them for what they really were but I’d never met somebody that was narcissist and good at gaslighting he was good at what he did because I worked so much my days were so long that I had no reason to believe that the things that he was telling me where lies like he had a job that he had a car that he was just getting out of a shity relationship to. The first year was not so bad things were great between us he seem to respect me I respected him. Then the fire happened my mom and my two year old nephew were killed my dad died 59 days after that and he knew that I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. That’s when things snow balled he was drinking all the time he left his Yahoo messenger open and I found out he was cheating on me I tried to leave and he wouldn’t let me I would try to kick him out and he would just dig his heels in deeper since I had no parents anymore and I had a kid I needed to keep stay with him out of necessity. He was an alcoholic he picked up my kid from school drunk he caused me to lose custody of my son to CPS he want to do the things that we needed to do so my son could come back home and he would tell me all the reasons why it was my fault. I work two jobs to support him because he wouldn’t work one every day it was buy me beer buy me beer buy me beer I remember one time I didn’t have the money for beer and threw me on the ground and kicked me in the head. Two summers ago we got into a big fight and I had two black eyes and broken eye socket when he wasn’t hitting me he was calling me names tell him I was a fat cow with Udders nobody wanted me I was crazy I had no friends my mother hated me and my father hated me my brother was the only smart one because he got away. 8 days ago he decided to go and stay at some chicks house for the weekend and I’ve had my s*** and left. I’m afraid he’s going to find me I’m afraid things are never going to be the same I’ve always going to look over my shoulder not going to have to trust anybody every relationship is going to be measured against that. My life is in chaos right now it’s been in chaos but at least I’m not with him anymore and things will work themselves out eventually but am I ever going to get back to normal I might not going to jump when somebody calls my name on expectedly I’m not going to cringe when they raise their hand near me am I going to soften when I get a hug instead of stiffen and be rigid is the other shoe going to drop. How much longer till the normal returns?
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. In my experience, there is no time frame for healing. All I can say is don’t ignore the process. My trauma was in my childhood but I blocked it out and the truth was hidden from me until my 30’s. Now it’s like it’s haunting me and I’m having to grieve my entire life and wonder how much better things would be for me had I just been allowed to heal and move forward and been capable of loving myself and making good decisions. You were strong enough to leave! Smart woman! Now be patient with yourself and very gentle as you leave this part of you behind. Seek out a therapist, you may have to try a few before you feel like it fits, don’t give up. Things are always changing, so yes, you will get your normal. Blessings.